How Many Licks?
by DrawMeASheep
Summary: OneShot, post Driven. Like Tony was just going to let 'the lick' go. Tiva.


Disclaimer: I had one, but a flying monkey stole it. If you catch him, you can read it.

Spoilers: Driven.

Summary: You didn't think Tony was just going to let "the lick" go, did you? I stole the title from the Tootsie Pops ad, although I think I secretly stole it from the dirty Lil' Kim song, which stole it from the previously cited source. The fic isn't dirty, just Tony seeking vengeance. Through his tongue. On Ziva's skin. Okay, it might be a little naughty, but no more so than "the lick" that inspired it.

* * *

Tony followed behind Ziva as the team made its way from the meeting room to the squad room. He could goose her, but she'd probably punch him. It didn't have the same impact as an unexpected warm, wet tongue on the ear. This was going to have to be lick for lick. Lost in thought, he walked directly into her as she paused, waiting for Gibbs to open a door. "Watch it, Tony."

"Oh, what are you gonna do, lick me again?"

"I think suggestive comments like that are yellow light."

"Why don't you go back and inform the fascist fun-sucker back there, Probie?"

McGee was undaunted, turning to Ziva. "What did you say to him to make him jump up like that?"

"She didn't _say_ anything," Tony interjected, not wanting to give Ziva a chance to answer. If McGee hadn't actually seen what had happened, there was no reason to inform him.

"No, I definitely saw her lean forward and say something in your ear, then you jumped like you'd seen a lizard."

Ziva laughed as they entered the bullpen. "Maybe he just couldn't handle my speaking in _tongues_."

McGee looked confused as he clipped his gun to his belt. "So why'd you freak out if she said something in a foreign language?"

"I did not freak out." Tony edged closer to Ziva, ready to lunge and splat some saliva on her face, but she stepped behind her desk. He caught himself and retrieved his gun, coat and backpack. "I was just…taken aback."

They were interrupted by Gibbs' sudden entry. "McGee!"

"Yeah, boss?"

"Go with Palmer. Make sure he doesn't get lost."

"Probie's gonna give directions to the autopsy gremlin? We won't see them for weeks!"

"Just for that DiNozzo…Ziva! Gas the truck." He stalked out of the squad room, tossing Ziva a set of keys as he passed her desk.

McGee muttered a goodbye and disappeared down the hall, leaving Tony free to look for another chance. He sauntered over to watch Ziva pull her coat on. "I should have known something was up when you sat behind me."

"You think it was planned? Ha! I guess I was momentarily inspired. It _was_ Sexual Harassment Training."

He leaned forward, propping himself on her desk. "And you thought our instructor wasn't doing enough to teach us new techniques for effectively sexually harassing our coworkers?"

"If I thought that were the aim of the class, I would have expected you to be teaching it." She grinned and playfully pushed him off her desk before heading toward the elevator. "No, I just wanted your big fat head off my desk."

"And you thought licking my ear was the best way to accomplish that?" He could try it now, but there were too many people watching. He'd have to wait until they got into the elevator. "Wouldn't it have been easier just to ask?"

"Like you would have listened."

"Yeah, well, don't think I'm not going to remember this." He tapped his temple as they stepped into the elevator. "I've filed it away and I am not going to let it go unanswered."

She grinned again, her expression reflected in the shiny metal of the closed doors. "So there's no need to ask if it was good for you, then?"

"I don't know when and I don't know how, but I am going to get you for this. Okay, I know how, but I don't know when. Sometime soon it's gonna be your turn to get licked."

She turned to look at him warily. "You're going to avenge yourself by licking me back?"

"I never said it was a good plan." He returned her smile and winked. "So how'd I taste?"

"Like salty Cheerios." She watched his expression fall and turned to face forward again.

"I don't really think it's fair," he eventually sulked.

"What?"

"Well, you've reduced me to a flavor and embarrassed me in front of the sexual harassment lady. I think the least you can do is give me a freebie."

"You're asking my permission now?"

"Is it working? Am I so pathetic that you can't resist?"

"You've barely even tried. If you're really that curious, you're going to have to put in more effort than that." He pouted and gave her his best puppy dog eyes. She seemed to soften. "Will you leave me alone if I give you one pity lick?"

"Reee-lay?" He still had every intention of going through with his plan to ambush lick her, but could he reasonably resist when she was so readily offering? She was even pointing to a spot on her jaw line.

In the moment he decided to move, several things happened. The elevator dinged and the doors opened, Ziva quickly stepped out, and his momentum carried him forward.

Gibbs stared at him from the garage. "DiNozzo! Why the hell are you licking the wall of the elevator?"

"Oh, I, well, you…I don't think I should tell you," he sputtered. He could see Ziva laughing at him near the truck. She was _so_ going to get it.

Gibbs was shaking his head. "Don't make me add a subsection to rule number twelve, DiNozzo. Ziva's waiting for you." He exited the garage on his way to a car.

Tony walked straight to the truck, slamming his hand against the driver's side door to prevent Ziva from opening it. Before she could demand he let her in, he leaned forward and ran his tongue up the side of her face. "Mmm…moisturizer and peaches."

Her eyes were wide in disbelief. "P-peaches?"

"I can't be sure," he said, rounding the front of the truck and getting in the passenger seat. When she climbed into the driver's seat, he continued, "I'll confirm it when I collect the one you owe me."

"Oh, I don't think so." She had regained her composure by the time she screeched out of the garage.

A ubiquitous probie in a red jumpsuit paused to watch the truck leave. "Guess the sexual harassment training didn't take," he mumbled to himself before returning to his welding.


End file.
